Miss Manners: Who’s paying for this wedding?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a widow on a fixed income, I find my wedding expenses skyrocketing. A younger friend of my fiancé told him that the wife pays for the wedding.

Is that true even though you’re both older? My fiancé is 70 and I am 66. Neither of us have children.

GENTLE READER: If your fiancé uses this argument, Miss Manners advises you to ensure that a lawyer secures your assets before you marry.

Moreover, he is older than he pretends: this notion is a perversion of the 19th century custom according to which the parents of a young bride, who was presumed to have no financial resources or prospects of her own, gave the marriage — knowing that it was now up to the husband to pay all the maintenance costs. Is this the deal he wants to make?

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancée’s extended family has an “adults” table and a “kids” table, and always puts us at the kids’ table.

She is their youngest daughter, but not the youngest in the family by far: there are real children under 10 at this table. I graduated from college and we are getting married this summer.

I think it’s insulting not to be allowed at the adult table. Am I talking about it?

GENTLE READER: No, you’re just making the kids’ table more fun than the adults’ table. When the grown-ups hear the raucous giggles you elicit from the little ones, which you warned not to say why, Miss Manners hopes there will be another seating arrangement soon.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to leave a present on the doorstep? I dropped off a gift and never received a thank you, so now I wonder if the recipient thought it was rude to drop it off.

GENTLE READER: Or if a passerby found it a generous gesture?

Not being rude doesn’t mean it’s a good idea, and Miss Manners advises you to check to see if it’s been received.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I’ve noticed that the invitations – both print and electronic – include the zip code as well as the address, city and state of the location. This might come in handy when writing a thank you note after the party, but is it okay to include it on the invitation? It’s especially odd to see it when the event isn’t at the host.

GENTLE READER: The general rule is to omit bulky invitations with information that any sane person would already know. An example is that the year is omitted, as one would not issue an invitation a year in advance; whether for morning or evening is also omitted, as parties do not normally start between midnight and 6 a.m.

But Miss Manners doesn’t know your audience; perhaps their parties do, in which case the distinction would be necessary.

She sees your dot on the zip code. It’s a bit unsubtle for those who issue invitations to appear very conscious of directing where the gifts should be sent. They could, however, manage this by putting the postal code on the envelope, in its place.

(Please send questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City , MO 64106 .)

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COPYRIGHT 2022 JUDITH MARTIN

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106; 816-581-7500

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